Or in the words of Katya Zamolodchikova, name your inner saboteur “Brenda” and tell her to shut the eff up. And it really helps! Lord knows I’m not always perfect with this, but it’s something I’ve done recently that makes a big difference. So, when I have those thoughts, I tell that snotty teen to put her black lipstick away and go bother someone else for a while. My negative voice is like an unfunny Daria or a goth teenager who wants to sit around and tell me how stupid and pointless everything is. “It gives you the opportunity to send those negative thoughts to the side and get back in control of your destiny again.” “Naming it helps create a space between the message and yourself,” Raina says. Instead of using the third person, Raina says to give your mean thoughts a name. Raina recommends another distancing technique to tame your negative instincts. It may seem a little odd at first, but if you try it, you may find it works for you too. So just as you wouldn’t say, “You look so ugly in that dress” to a friend, when you use third person, you’re much less likely to say that to yourself. As the great Bette Midler once said, “From a distance, there is harmony, and it echoes through the land.” View your thoughts from a distance and you’ll start playing a lot more songs of hope and peace and fewer songs of “everyone hates me.”īasically, when you speak in the third person, you’re acting like you’re talking to a different person. This beach pic is just one example of a complicated life.”)īy reframing these knee-jerk reactions, you can distance yourself from these negative thoughts, which can allow you to more easily see lies for what they are. ![]() ![]() She has such a better life than me.”) or if you’re reacting to a false presentation (“Oh wait, she’s always complaining about how broke she is. Ask yourself if what you’re reacting to is actually true (“My friend is always at the beach. “The very simple reality is most of what we see on social media is not true or at least is not completely true.”Įven if social media isn’t your trigger (and if it isn’t, I commend you), Hampton says to always give your triggers a second look. “In a world where we are inundated with social media and highlight reels showing us people living on the beach and saying they’re millionaires, sometimes the comparison game can trigger negative self-talk,” Hampton says. The Best Self-Help Advice Ever, According to a Life CoachĪfter you find out your baseline of negative self-talk, then you want to find your triggers.
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